Not much…

…is happening these days… time flies, or lingers, it’s basically all the same; I do the same things; I see the same people…

Is spring really here? I can see it and hear it all around me… but I can’t feel it.

I think a bout of loneliness is coming… I have been euphoric for quite some time now. It was bound to end. Everything always ends… We set our hearts on something, we get it, then we leave it behind… and we go for the next things to keep us high. High is everyone’s favourite mood, ain’t it? To really feel, to experience, to understand, to virtually go through something, if it was never meant to be actually lived.

My better half is far from me… and going home to an empty flat is the most heartbreaking experience anyone who has had their soulmate by their side for years has to go through. I cheat on solitude by filling the silence with an angel’s voice; the blanks I see before me I fill with colours and shapes and things that will never happen; the lack of human touch I try to balance with people somewhere far, people I have never seen or met, and will probably never do so; I miss my better half, as I can only see with one eye, I can only breathe with one lung, and my legs only take me halfway to where I want to be.

Oh, the places I’ve been to these past weeks… I have soared on borrowed wings, and I have touched the heavens. Now I think it is time to give the wings back. Not that I want to. But this is how it works… and I can be grateful I receive them once in a while. Most people never feel what I feel. Thank you, my protective angels, thank you, Whoever, Whatever, Wherever- living or not- existant or divined.

I hope I can still take a few sips of this wine… I need to stay inebriated, otherwise hell awaits me.