Ezt most csak így egyszerűen muszáj.

Without any further ado… I hope I can have it here. Please let me have it. It’s a wonderful blog by the way- I had saved the image from http://justjoshgroban.blogspot.com.

An én anyukám, aki hosszú évek óta nem vett ceruzát a kezébe, ezeket rajzolta most hétvégén. Isten áldja meg Josh-t, amiért ilyen hatással van az emberekre!!!

My dear mom, who had not had a pencil in her hand for long years, had drawn these over the weekend. God bless Josh for having this effect on people!!!

So this is my own private Angel no. 1. I would not be me without him. I love, love, love you so much dearest!!!!!!!! :-********

Ő tehát az én személyes 1. számú Angyalkám, aki nélkül nem lennék önmagam.

Read the rest of this entry »

…is happening these days… time flies, or lingers, it’s basically all the same; I do the same things; I see the same people…

Is spring really here? I can see it and hear it all around me… but I can’t feel it.

I think a bout of loneliness is coming… I have been euphoric for quite some time now. It was bound to end. Everything always ends… We set our hearts on something, we get it, then we leave it behind… and we go for the next things to keep us high. High is everyone’s favourite mood, ain’t it? To really feel, to experience, to understand, to virtually go through something, if it was never meant to be actually lived.

My better half is far from me… and going home to an empty flat is the most heartbreaking experience anyone who has had their soulmate by their side for years has to go through. I cheat on solitude by filling the silence with an angel’s voice; the blanks I see before me I fill with colours and shapes and things that will never happen; the lack of human touch I try to balance with people somewhere far, people I have never seen or met, and will probably never do so; I miss my better half, as I can only see with one eye, I can only breathe with one lung, and my legs only take me halfway to where I want to be.

Oh, the places I’ve been to these past weeks… I have soared on borrowed wings, and I have touched the heavens. Now I think it is time to give the wings back. Not that I want to. But this is how it works… and I can be grateful I receive them once in a while. Most people never feel what I feel. Thank you, my protective angels, thank you, Whoever, Whatever, Wherever- living or not- existant or divined.

I hope I can still take a few sips of this wine… I need to stay inebriated, otherwise hell awaits me.

Darling, don’t read on unless you’ve seen episode 3/15!!! That applies to everyone else.

Dammit, I swooned the minute he started playing that piano! And Dave Matthews joined in… that was a mesmerising moment. So beautiful!

The medical case blew me away, and it raised such a tough question- is it worth having a gift, if you can’t have a life? People love you if you’re unusual, if you’re gifted… it’s human nature, we are drawn to any manifestation of higher powers, we just can’t help it. The more gifted someone is, the more we are drawn to them, like helpless little nails to a gigantic magnet. I know I work like that. It’s pathetic and despicable, but I can’t help it. Read the rest of this entry »

Things change… I have to accept it. But so suddenly?

Two weeks ago I heard an angel sing. Now I see a sex-idol walk between the rows, letting women tear him to pieces (almost). Does my stomach signal something? Yes. Am I happy? Hard to say.

I hate changes… and that’s all I’m getting these days. My better half, the one who puts up with so much from me, the one who always behaves patiently when I should be slapped a couple of times, is far away, out of sight, out of hearing. The light is not on when I come home. I am cold in bed when I hop in. I do the shopping, I do the cleaning, and the house, as a result, is rather dirty. I don’t fight with Kitty, and she craves it. I don’t cook, because there is no one to cook for. I eat salads, chocolate, yoghurt if starving. The kitchen is a mess. I don’t rush home, because there is no one to rush to. Actually, I thought I was fine up to this moment, but no, I hate it all. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Theo,

You were right. It’s so good to be home. To live in peace for a time. Once again, thanks to you, life seems precious to me. Something to be valued and loved. Once again I’m working. You know how for years, whenever I saw anything that moved me, I felt the need to draw it. To get it down on paper, no matter how crudely. Now, for the first time, I’ve begun to wonder, could this be the way for me? A man or a woman at work. Some furrows in a plowed field. A bit of sand, sea, or sky. These are subjects so difficult, and at the same time, so beautiful that it’s worth spending one’s whole life trying to capture the poetry that’s hidden in them.

How many times have I had the same feeling? Seeing a crumpled face, or a lonely glance, or a happy embrace, a beautiful scenery, a breathtakingly brave little flower amidst the cement-jungle. I keep having the feeling that I need to write these down, I have to, and when I don’t succeed, I feel depressed and useless. Hell, do I want to raise myself to the genius of Vincent Van Gogh? No, no. I know my place in this world, and it is not anywhere near this lonely character. But I find it terribly sad and wonderful that he had the same thoughts as I.

Just as he, I want to be useful. But I don’t know how.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drága Theo, igazad volt. Nagyon jó itthon lenni. Békében élni egy darabig. Az élet, hála neked, ismét értékes lett számomra. Értékelem és szeretem. Ismét dolgozom. Tudod, hogy évekig, ha megláttam valamit, ami megérintett, a szükségét éreztem, hogy lefessem. Hogy papírra vessem, bármilyen durva vonásokkal. Most először kérdezem meg magamtól, vajon ez a nekem kijelölt út? Egy munkás vagy munkásasszony. Egy lyuk a lekaszált mezőn. Egy kevéske homok, tenger, vagy égbolt. Ezek olyan nehéz témák, és mégis oly csodálatosak, hogy megéri egy életen át próbálkozni azzal, hogy megtaláljuk a bennük rejlő költészetet.

Úristen, hányszor éltem meg ezt az érzést? Hgy muszáj leírnom valamit, különben megbolondulok. Egy-egy szomorú arcot, vagy szenvedő pillantást, vagy boldog ölelést. Festői tájakat, aprócska szépségeket, melyek naponta körülvesznek bennünket. Persze, legtöbbször tök fölöslegesen próbálkozom, mert csak elszúrom saját magamnak is az élményt, és ilyenkor magamba zuhanok és fölöslegesnek érzem magam. Ó, eszemben sincs a Vincent Van Gogh nev zsenihez hasonlítani magam: tudom, hol a helyem a világban, és a közelében sem vagyok ennek a magányos és szomorú alaknak. De ijesztőnek és egyben csodálatosnak találom, hogy ő is megélte ugyanazt, amit én.

A Nap szerelmese című amerikai filmet fordítom, és egyre közelebb érzem magamhoz ezt a Vincent nevű ürgét. A hónap végére pedig az ő leveleiből felolvasott szöveget kaptam, egy dokumentumfilmet, ami előre látom, gyönyörű lesz. És pont tegnap hallottam azt a csodálatosan szép dalt, aminek a szövege könnyekig hatott, róla.

Ahogy ő is, én is hasznos akarok lenni. De nem tudom, hogyan.

Starry
starry night
paint your palette blue and grey

look out on a summer’s day
with eyes that know the
darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills
sketch the trees and the daffodils

catch the breeze and the winter chills

in colors on the snowy linen land.
And now I understand what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they did not know how

perhaps they’ll listen now.

Starry
starry night
flaming flo’rs that brightly blaze

swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in
Vincent’s eyes of China blue.
Colors changing hue
morning fields of amber grain

weathered faces lined in pain
are soothed beneath the artist’s
loving hand.
And now I understand what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity
how you tried to set them free.
perhaps they’ll listen now.

For they could not love you
but still your love was true

and when no hope was left in sight on that starry
starry night.
You took your life
as lovers often do;
But I could have told you
Vincent
this world was never
meant for one
as beautiful as you.

Starry
starry night
portraits hung in empty halls

frameless heads on nameless walls
with eyes
that watch the world and can’t forget.
Like the stranger that you’ve met

the ragged men in ragged clothes

the silver thorn of bloddy rose
lie crushed and broken
on the virgin snow.
And now I think I know what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity

how you tried to set them free.
They would not listen
they’re not
list’ning still
perhaps they never will.

Is it a coincidence that I am translating Paul Cox’s Vincent- The life and death of Vincent Van Gogh for next Tuesday, and I heard this absolutely beautiful song, written by Don Mc Lean, sung by Josh, for the first time? Mr Mc Lean, thank you for your words…

Vincent, sung by Josh Groban

It seems that my weird visions of this Josh person flying around with gilded wings and a huge aura around him might lead to some actual historical speculations LOL. Apparently the name Joshua means “Jehovah is our salvation”, and the name Jesus is derived from it as well. Quite many webpages list the two names as belonging to the same person. Also, they say that Jesus would not have listened to this name, because he was called Joshua Ben Adam. Interesting, huh? Joshua was also the leader of the Israelites after Moses. He has his own book in the Holy Biblee.

Anyway, it is one of my favourite male names, it used to be long before this… this singer person stepped into my life. So there, love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tegnap lefekvéskor a párom felteszi a kérdést: “Miféle név az, hogy Josh?” Mondom neki, “hát a Joshua beceneve, tudod, a bibliai alaké”. (Utána mást is kérdezett, az nem publikus…)

Szóval, utánanéztem ennek a névnek. Előljáróban annyit, hogy régen olvastam egy regényt, aminek a főhősét hívták így, és beleszerettem a névbe… Nemrég pedig láttam egy nagyon szép filmet, ez volt a címe: Joshua, és a Jézus-történet modernkori átirata volt. Igazán szép és megható film, mélyen megmaradt bennem.

És akkor konkrétan megnéztem, hogy a Bibliában ki volt ő. Ő volt az, aki Mózes után vezette a zsidó népet, nevének jelentése pedig “Jahve a megmentő”. A Jézus név is ebből a névből ered… Egyes források szerint a történelmi Jézust úgy hívták, Joshua Ben Adam. Más állítások szerint ha Názáretben ráköszönt volna valaki a Megváltóra, a Joshua névre hallgatott volna csak. Rengeteg internetes weblap említi a két nevet, mint ugyanazon személyhez tartozókat. Érdekes, nem?

Persze, a név csak angolul gyönyörűséges, dallamos és nemes hangzású: magyarul Józsué… Ennek a bibliai figurának külön könyve is van, Mózes V. könyve után található.

Na, amitől lehidaltam- az Egyesült Államokban az így elnevezett fiúk és férfiak nem máskor, mint szeptember 1-jén ülik névnapjukat.

Ez a két személy mostantól végérvényesen eggyéforrva lesz csak jelen a gondolataimban…

Someone asked him how he explains his thinness. When he has the voice. With this voice, one expects a Luciano, a big person, someone really, really big. Josh giggled and said, he was working on the body business. But not just yet.

Hell, no, Josh! Stay the way you are! You are perfect

Anyway, one week, seven days, a little more, and so many thoughts, so many words, said, unsaid, dwelt on, put into imagery, kept hidden in my mind, shared, treasured. One hurricane you were, my one and only is laughing at me, but hey, you can’t expect such things to be understood. You either feel them, or not.

Happy Birthday, Josh!!! And a thank you as big as the infinity! For the things I am feeling… It’s almost love, almost wishing, almost desire, almost floating. A new certainty that the world is perfect! See, I will be alone for more than a year… the one I love will be far from me… it’s almost like someone sent you to watch over me.

Do you understand this, dearest? *hug* I hope you do! Because this is the only way I can keep sane with you so far from me…

And finally! Marty Scorsese won an Oscar! Good lord… it was high time, don’t you think, misters of the Academy…? Also, The departed got one, well deservedly. Leonardo Di Caprio had been nominated, again, for the one millionth time, and did not win, this time either. Not that he cares in the least pffff. He is so cool about all this, my invisible hat goes down to him… Little Miss Sunshine won two, as far as I’m concerned, I would’ve just given all the awards to them, LOL. It was the most enjoyable movie I have seen in a loooooong time- and I watch movies galore!

All in all, I am happy with the results.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Na végre, valahára, Martin Scorsese nyert egy Oscar-t… épp ideje volt, nem gondoljátok, kedves Academy tagok? Na mindegy. És A tégla is nyert, aminek külön örülök, fantasztikus film, minden perce lekötött. Leonardo Di Caprio természetesen nem nyert, de miért is nyerne, kezdem megszokni… szerintem ő is, és a nyilatkozatai alapján nagyívben lesz*rja, hogy nyer-e vagy sem… számára nem ez a lényeg, hanem a tartalom. Le a kalappal előtted, Leo! A család kicsi kincse is nyert két Oscar-t, aminek szintén örülök, igaz, ha rajtam múlik, az összes díjat rájuk zudítottam volna- nagyon régóta nem láttam ennyire szívhezszóló, élvezetes, tüneményes filmet, márpedig én tucatjával nézem a filmeket!

Összességében, elégedett vagyok az eredményekkel

TORI AMOS IS PERFORMING IN BUDAPEST ON JUNE 24!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*squeal*

I cannot believe it! I have been waiting for this for… well, for over six years!

*beams*

*********************

TORI AMOS BUDAPESTEN LÉP FEL JÚNIUS 24-ÉN!!!

*vigyorog és ugrál örömében*

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it’s breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You’ll get by…

If you smile

With your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just…

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That’s the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what’s the use of crying

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just…

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it’s breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You’ll get by…

If you smile

Through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile…

That’s the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what’s the use of crying

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

It’s past 3 am, my ears hurt from the headphones, I have been playing these songs over and over again, who knows how many times.

This is the first time…that I feel like my life would end if I stopped listening to someone sing.

I was, literally, touched by an angel, a few days ago, when I heard a heart-gripping melody on TV; then yesterday I heard it again, and I had to check the title, performer, date. Now, listening to this guy’s third album, I struggle for words, which is no news, except that I struggle even more than usually. This must be God speaking. There is no other explanation. He speaks to me, to us, to everyone who hears this, or heard this some time ago, or will hear this, somewhere in time. Or can it be, after all, that it’s the singer not the song…? Who is this guy? How can there be anything bad in the world, when he had sung so many times? I have been one constant goosebump for the eleventh song now, and I suspect this is not a fleeting impression.

Angels do not come about by accident.

He is Josh Groban.

Nem is értem, miért vagyok képes órákon át bámulni ezt a szájat, ezeket a szemeket. De tényleg.
Az lenne a tuti, ha üresfejű, ostoba, paraszt bunkó nőcsábász szemét dög bújkálna a szép külső mögött.
Na de, hányszor válhat valóra az ember álma?! Megtaláltam életem szerelmét. Két közös fényképem van Zsenyával. Ez eddig már kettő. Szóval, a nagy büdös igazság az, hogy Wentworth Miller, a legnagyobb sajnálatomra, se nem meleg, se nem ostoba, se nem szemét, se nem pénzsóvár sztárocska. Ez van, ezzel a keserű tudattal kell élnem… *sóhaj* Read the rest of this entry »

Ennyit a szépségről… egy óra alatt sikerült ezt elérnem. Szerettem volna látni, én fekerülhetnék-e egy magazin címlapjára Különösen előnytelen képet szedtem elő magamról, pár órás alvás után, karikás szemekkel, nyúzottan, na. Nem semmi ez a photoshop… első próbálkozásom képretusálás irányába:

Beauty…? Or not…? Anyone can look beautiful… it’s just a question of make-up and/or photoshop. My first try at photo retouching. The result:

Egyszer jól megropogtatnám ezt az úriembert…

I would really like to lay my hands on this gentleman. Only once.

Londonban jártunk, amikor először láttam ezeket az arcokat, kiplakátolva szerte a városban. Gondoltam, egy újabb zenekar, amit le akarnak nyomni a torkunkon. Aztán az MTV-n láttam néhány klippet, és amikor legközelebb Angliába mentünk, megvettem a Hopes and Fears-t. Nagyjából egy évig leállás nélkül ezt hallgattam, és mai napig az egyik legklasszabb lemez, ami a birtokomban van! Read the rest of this entry »

Mr Hugh Laurie, who has no idea why women like him. *snorts*

Egy aprócska Hugh Laurie képecske. A pasi mai napig nem érti, mit esznek rajta a nők. (Pedig intelligensnek tűnik…)