Addiction

This is it, this is as long as I managed to keep from writing about these two. I will try to take the feelings these stories evoke in me with sanity and reason and not cause too much havoc over at Grobania with my silly self-analysis.

Fic to be read by mature readers! Enjoy…

Addiction

-Hey Christina- Josh said, appearing at the door of her office. He smiled at her and she marvelled at the beauty of his eyes which shone through like a millon stars on a cloudy night, even despite his glasses.

-Hey Josh- she smiled back, leaning back into her comfortable leather chair.

-What’s up?

-Not much. I am almost finished for today… wow, is it so early? –she said with a frown, checking her watch. –Shame… I guess my boss will not let me go home earlier…

-Your boss is almost done too- he replied with mock seriousness-, and he was wondering whether you would like a drink somewhere.

She grabbed the side of her chair, which he luckily could not see.

-A drink would be great- she said, unable to avoid swallowing. She blushed, aware of how stupid she was behaving. He had seen her without any clothes on, clad in only her wishes and desires. What was she so freaked about? –Where?

-I was thinking… my place?

-Sure. Gimme ten minutes to get my things ready.

-Will be waiting in the parking lot- he said with a smile, and with that, disappeared.

She stared at the open door, trying to clear the mess that he left in her boggled mind each time he merely glanced towards her, let alone spoke to her. And this time, she was going inside his flat. The thought made her stomach quiver, and she had to drink the little water that was left in her favourite cup. She quickly swept all her stuff into her bag to give herself a few minutes before heading towards her fate.

He invited her to his place, which meant he liked her, didn’t he? He had to, otherwise he would not have done so. She sat there frowning, trying to calm her drumming heart. She would sit in his car. Talk to him about insignificant things. He would be sweet, funny, adorable, as only he could be. And then one of them would take the first step, and they would end up in each other’s arms once more. Did she really need this?

Her fingers were shaking in her lap. She needed him more than air; each morning, waking up meant she was going to work, and see him, and each night, she went to bed wondering if he was up still, or fast asleep, exhausted after his work done for that day. He was in her every thought and every breath- when she recalled the first time she saw him, she could not believe her feelings had come this far. He had nodded to her and had shaken her hand with that disarming smile of his. She already knew back then that he was a great guy, but in the short space of time that had elapsed since that afternoon she had grown to love him so much that sometimes it scared her. He did not care for her in the way she cared for him, she was aware of that. His reasons she was uncertain of, but for now, she was ready to take the little morself of affection he was willing to throw at her, even if it meant a lustful meeting. He was so tender and so passionate on each occasion, never looking to gratify himself alone. She blushed at the recollection of their last encounter- damn, that sofa was one alluring piece of furniture.

Brushing her hair back, she stared at the ceiling. A slight draught caressed her cheek and blew her silk blouse against her skin. It felt so sensual she felt waves of anticipation sweep over her. Oh yes, she was going to go to his place. Whatever his intentions were.

~~~

-Nice car- she said, settling in the seat comfortably, putting her seatbelt on.

-Thank you- he said simply, turning and driving onto a wide avenue.

-Nice driver too- she said, unexpectedly. She giggled when she saw him look at her and smile.

-Thank you- he said once more, driving on with a smile on his face.

The drive was not more than twenty minutes, during which they both kept silent, drowned by their respective thoughts. She was afraid she was doing the wrong thing to encourage him and show him he could do what he wanted, forever. He was wondering if it was the right thing to let her inside his private area, and whether she would take it as a kind of approach he was not sure he wanted to imply. She occasionally glanced at him sideways; his profile was just as beautiful as every part of him she had seen that far- and she had probably seen just about every part of him by then, she realized with a blush. He had a baseball cap and his glasses on; he looked like an average guy, but a very cute one. She felt so good sitting next to him that for a little while she forgot her doubts.

She did not notice but he kept glancing at her too. He found her beautiful and extremely seductive in her silk blouse and tight skirt. He could not help but wonder how she was still single, and whether his invitation would encourage her to believe that he wanted to take their relationship one step further. He also wondered whether she did not mind staying where they were; if she had, she would have shown it already. But was she really happy about it? Having sex once a while, without any commitment? He was sure of her feelings for him, and once again, he felt a twinge of conscience. Could he really keep the both of them in a place where there was no future, and there were no questions? Just how much longer would he himself be able to take it?

-This was fast- she said, stepping out of the car. She walked up to his entrance door and waited for him to open it, then stood aside to let him in.

-Please- he signalled to her to go first, and this simple gesture almost made her swoon. He was a gentleman and she was so in love she could hardly keep herself from telling him and begging him to love her back.

-Soooo- here we are- he said simply, closing the door. –Please make yourself at home- drinks are over there in that cupboard. I need to take a shower but I will only need a few minutes.

-Sure- she nodded, and turned slightly to avoid looking at him. She fancied him under she shower- and it seemed her senses were ready to explode.

When he disappeared she fell to the sofa with a racing mind. What was she doing back with him? What was she doing asking the same things over and over again? He obviously took her to his flat and not any public place because he wanted to make love. Or have sex. She was not sure at this point- the borderline between carnality and affection was very thin, and he made sure to act cryptically when he was with her, alone or in public. Did he never fear that she could tell someone? Make a scandal? Or was it that obvious for him that she loved him and would not harm him in any way? She sat wringing her hand, listening to the noises coming from the bathroom. The water was on and she saw him in her mind as clearly as if she was standing there with him. She looked around, her eye taking in the objects, his belongings, the ones he touched so often, the ones he cared for. She was sitting on the same sofa that he sat on every day. The TV remote was next to her and she took it in her hand, fumbling with the buttons just to touch them where he had done so. The flat smelled of him, and it was intoxicating. She let out a deep sigh and a feeling of emptiness crept over her.

She wanted to be part of it, to wake up next to him and have the right to wake him up and make him breakfast, wash his hair under the shower and towel him up and down. But he did not seem to want her in his life, except for fleeting occasions. She had known it for a while, but it struck her now with frightening clarity. She had been cheating herself, and was still doing it: he would never let her in, she was probably not good enough for him, or the timing was not right, or he saw how easy she was and thought, well, why not. He was, after all, a man.

Swallowing her tears she stood up and took two steps towards the door.

-Where are you going?

She turned to see him drying his hair in boxers and a T-shirt.

-Home. I’m sorry, I don’t feel too well- she said, not sure where to look. At him she couldn’t.

-Why, what’s wrong? –he stepped closer, and she was shocked to detect that concern in his voice that had fooled her not once before.

-I don’t know, but I have to go now- she said and turned away to just leave and not look back.

-Don’t-

She felt his hand on her wrist, and the smell of shower gel and shampoo was all around her.

-Let me go. Please- she begged, avoiding his eyes.

-Why? –he asked, not moving and not relaxing his grip on her wrist.

-What do you want?- she asked back, forcing herself to look at him. –How did you imagine this to be, and for how long? Us getting together for sexual gratification, and apart from that, being total strangers?

-I did not imagine anything- he said, letting go of her finally. –It was you who approached me.

-Oh, so I’m to blame. You only took what I offered.

-More or less- he said, looking at her calmly.

She found it infuriating. How did he dare act like that? Where was the kind, caring, honest Josh, who would never hurt anyone? He was hurting her more than he would ever know.

-Well, if that’s the case, I am withdrawing my offer- she spoke the hated words that tore the silence into shreds of hurt.

He didn’t reply and she looked into his eyes to see any signs of guilt, or regret. She saw absolutely nothing in those beautiful eyes and for the first time she felt him cold and so very unlike himsef. If he really was like this, she did not want to be with him. Perhaps it would be best.

When she turned, she felt his hands on her arms. In the next moment his arms went all around her and she felt him tight against her back. She wanted to push him away, but of course he was stronger. Not to mention the fact that without any further ado, his hands were on her breasts and his lips around her ear. She was weak with craving for him and she couldn’t even hate him for doing this to her, or herself for giving in so easily.

He unbuttoned her blouse and pushed her bra away from the moulds that he loved so much. Her nipples were hard and her breathing uneven- he knew she would not want to run away. As he nibbled at her earlobe softly she almost fell onto him and he loved to feel her totally abandoning herself. His hands roamed on her silky skin while he placed tiny kisses on her neck. He was in a mischievous mood so he returned his attention to her ear and slowly sent his tongue circling around it. Her gasp made him press against her more forcefully and he impatiently pushed his right hand under her skirt. Her muscles contracted when he sent his hand inside her panties and she turned to him sideways to receive his soft lips on hers. His kiss alone would have made her ooze with desire but his fingers rubbed her slowly and she was already on the edge. His left hand was still roaming on her body; she grabbed his other hand and pulled it away from her throbbing sex. Turning to face him she tore the T-shirt off his still moist body with one gesture. Getting rid of her every piece of clothing she pushed him to the sofa and basically threw him on it. He fell back with a look of surprise and obvious arousal; she pulled his boxers down so fast that she surprised even herself.

When she sat on top of him and he was inside her once again, everything fell into place. She did not doubt that she was meant to love him; if he was meant to use her, then be it, she was ready to accept it. He felt so perfect that her mind went blank. Closing her eyes, she leaned back on his thighs and felt his hands go around her waist to keep her from falling. She felt weightless and his thrusts made her whole body shake. She was unable to move as all her powers left her, so she just floated, supported by his thighs and arms and she felt him lift her slightly each time his hips rocked underneath her. He leaned forward to reach her breasts with his lips and he kissed them alternately, sucking and gently biting the nipples until they almost hurt. She was not sure she had not climaxed already; she felt dizzy and carefree, and the sensation his thrusts sent across her trembling body was what they called unearthly delight.

Her sense of completion was not even shattered when he hugged her tight and knelt down with her weight still on him to lay her on the thick carpet. Those dark eyes looked through her as he found his way into her again. She gasped and was only able to encircle his neck with her shaking arms. She lost herself without even noticing; fireworks sparkled before her closed eyes as she moaned and arched her body into his. He kept moving inside her with small thrusts and she felt her delight continue; his lips were on hers and he kissed her ferociously, stealing her breath. His right hand found its way to where their bodies were connected and as he rubbed her gently she felt her body jerk; his hand went around her thigh and he pulled her leg up and around him, then did the same with her left leg. His thrusts became spasmodic and more powerful as he kept kissing her wildly. She felt him slide in and out of her and she again surprised herself when she climaxed once more, this time with him. His moan was like deep and remote thunder in her ear and as her senses went blank, she felt a tear roll down her cheek. She opened her eyes and felt several more go after the first one. Her soul was tearing up and she prayed to stop time and feel loved by him forever; he wiped her tears off and kissed her gently, trying to push himself deeper inside her to remind them both what they had experienced together.

Through her closed lids there came many more tears, and she wept for her hopes, lost in his arms each time he agreed to love her, and her pain, which became more and more difficult to endure, knowing that he was aware of her feelings, and refused to accept them.

He rested his head on her breast and hearing her erratic heartbeat he almost sent a confession into the silence. He checked himself just in time: it was not the right moment.

He was unable to say it. Not yet.

(to be continued)

7 Comments

  1. Lory
    Posted June 15, 2007 at 6:16 am | Permalink

    I was here. I almost wept with her. And I don’t weep easily.

  2. Posted June 15, 2007 at 6:55 am | Permalink

    Awww.
    *hug*
    I just can’t keep it on the brighter side can I?!
    It is rather sad I admit…

  3. Sophia
    Posted June 16, 2007 at 2:21 am | Permalink

    Make Josh tell her he loves her all ready dang it! *hits Donnie* By the way, I am back! *hugs* I’ve missed you. And I just lost like, one thousand Calories reading that. Preparing to thud. *thuds*

  4. Posted June 16, 2007 at 3:39 pm | Permalink

    I missed you too Sophia!!! *hug*
    I lost some calories writing that… LOL.

  5. Tess
    Posted June 17, 2007 at 4:13 am | Permalink

    krisz!! Lovely update! have Josh say it already.
    Although I do think it is a great way to keep me reading. =]

  6. Posted June 17, 2007 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    Hi Tess, thanks for posting here 🙂
    No no, he will not say it just yet- I love the tension and the pain… 😀
    But seriously. If someone is in a place where Josh is, and he keeps postponing making that decision, after a while it will get more difficult.
    But we are getting closer to it, I can tell you. Thanks for reading 🙂

  7. Lexxa
    Posted November 30, 2008 at 3:04 pm | Permalink

    that almost made me cry….

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